Wednesday, December 15, 2004

'spective evening

After further introspection...i'm having second thoughts of myself. What was I put on this earth to accomplish? I always thought it'd have something to do with music, but is that really what I'm here for?? Why isn't God giving me a sign of some sort to let me know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life?? That sounds so very selfish of me...putting so much of a burden upon the Lord. Sometimes I wonder what's going on with my life. Everything seems to circle around and I'm the last one to know. Everyone around me seems to have more of an idea than I do. There's so many options and yet, I'm limiting my own options as to what I'm here for. I'm so passionate about few things in this world, yet so passionate about everything in the same sense. It's been one of those days when you finally get the time to just look out the window and look at the world and realize that sometimes things aren't what they seem and that the rest of the world will still go on without you. Sure, some things would be different, but it hardly affects the general population as a whole. And in that sense, what are any of us here for? To touch a select few lives and to leave, hopefully giving some insight to someone less fortunate. It seems so uncontrollable as if I'm in this life with no direction or sense of what could happen to me at any moment. My whole life has been laid before me and I have no control over how to change it. Does fate really work that way? Is my entire life based upon a track already laid for me? Is there any true way to "skip" fate? There was a time once in my life when I thought I knew exactly what fate was and how it worked...now, i'm not so sure. Is it fate that I'm writing this right now for someone to read and post comments giving me some insight to touch my life as I hope I have done with so many others? Is it fate that I'm considering my other options as a musician and writer? How can anyone know for sure what they're really going to do with their lives in a society like the one we live in today?
There are so many questions I'd love to sit down and talk about, yet, there is no one to tell me the answers. You hear people say that one of the best things in life is not knowing what will come next and I suppose that can be true in a sense, but is it not also nice to plan out exactly what will happen so that you know the path you about to journey upon?
Tonight seems to be a night of introspection and I'll leave the night at that.

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