someone just give me all the answers

if you'll remember correctly, in my first post, i promised this would be nothing but me giving you details of the world and how it aggravates me. Today's might be a little bit about myself....(how selfish of me...)

I can't seem to get this off my mind...but I can already see myself ruining what I want to keep so desparately. Lord save me from myself...what the hell is wrong with me? I find something i can enjoy and be happy about, and then in the end, i know i'll just let it slip away cause i'm oh so very good at that...i promised myself that this broken heart wouldn't see love for quite some time...and now look at me...a damn sappy little girl again. Slap into gear girl...you're turning into those softies you hate, but underneath it all (not that i'm trying to make a Gwen Stephani reference...) I must be one of those sappy romance girls. I agree...i secretly indulge in a good trashy romance novel now and again...but what woman doesnt? Should I be punished for wanting that intimate, passionate, caught up in the moment sex? Of course not. That's the beauty of being a woman. Although, sometimes it also puts a woman at a disadvantage. I'm frustrated with myself...sometimes its so damn difficult and I can't get myself to do as i want. I'm just thinking too much...and of course i know that because it always seems to be my downfall...Maybe this time will be different?

Good Christ, I'm scared as all hell of putting my heart on the line once again...
I know they say "Love like you've never been hurt" or "Love as if you've never lost" but its so damn hard if you have loved, lost and been hurt in the process...I still maintain the fact that whoever said those horrid words had never loved in their lifetime...
what torture it is to say such a thing! It's certainly more difficult for me now to love someone once I know what it feels like to lay in bed for days afterwards with a box of kleenex accompanied by a hopeless distraction novel.