Between Thoughts or Between something else?

What the fuck?!
I've got some time before my next class and what the fuck am I doing? Hanging out at college library. Computer lab-Second floor-Mac #42. And all I can think of are things that happened past that I've just been giving too much time these days. Perhaps everyone is right. STOP THINKING. But the sorrow is leaking into my head and I'm constantly reminded of these issues.

I've found some patterns in the things I've been watching or listening to, reading or noticing lately. I think the world, or perhaps just my miserable existence, is completely flawed in the ways of love. It sets my mind into a frenzy when I sit down and think about all of the things that I'll never experience or feel so lost from having provided for me. I shouldn't say that things are terrible and that things in relationships are *always* going to be bad, but for now, I feel like love and relationships are just hte opportunity to settle. And what would I be settling for really? Just something that is going to take up more time in my already busy and over packed schedule. Perhaps I should revert back to my old theory about love being only an illusion to cover up something else, but perhaps that isn't so wrong. I've felt love in my lifetime and yet it seems really easy to slip away from that. I've loved my sister for much longer than I've loved much else, and yet, right now I'm so angry with her that I'd love to just tell her to go and fly a kite. Is love always supposed to fade? I distinctly think so. Sure, love evolves into a comfortable sort of love instead of that ridiculous kind, but what if it never falls out of that ridiculous kind? Is it still flawed? Were my past relationships really that flawwed that they should have been termintated? Not that I'm worrying about most of them, but there are a few that keep my mind in a knot. and my stomache too...
Are we all just flawed in life to become whatever we settle for?