Keep your Pants ZIPPED!

Hmm...it's funny how men think that women aren't smart enough to find out that fooling around between two girls really ISNT a good idea. Yesterday, I found out that a friend of mine and I had both fooled around with the same guy over the past weekend. Uh, what?! WHO DOES THAT!?!?!?! Seriously guys, why can't you just be monogomous? I've heard all the theories about reproduction and spreading your seed, but I think we've established by now that WE are not animals and are of a different nature. We can think and express thoughts, are complex beings, and posess more than the average animal. In this case, I have to say that the fact that you think you can spread your seed like animals, simply is false. Ridiculous even.
As much as I love ya, it just isnt cool that you pick the same weekend to hang out with BOTH of us when you haven't seen either of us in a really long time...and oh yea, just HAPPENED to make it a "more than friends" evening with the both of us. Seriously, if it was anyone else that you were fooling around with, i'd be furious, but the fact that it's a good friend of mine, i can SORT OF deal with, and you best be lucky for that. It'd be your balls if it wasnt...
No Man will EVER do that to me again...

and get away with it.

thinkin...

I just can't get my mind off this weekend. So great. Best time I've had at home in a long time actually. Work was busy and Sunday was hell, but hey, what do you expect with 2 and a half hours of sleep? ;-) I haven't felt that intense emotion in quite some time and I must say, it's nice. I so want you.

Obsession

Yes, I've found the band of the moment: Death Cab for Cutie

I seriously adore them. The lyrics are gorgeous, the music behind it is near perfection. Musically speaking, they've interpreted their own lyrics well and exceptionally play this out through the musicality. As always, I'm very impressed with their work on the album Transatlanticism. Gorgeously done my boys.

Favorite songs? Tiny Vessels, We Looked like Giants, and The New Year.

I know I've mentioned them before...and other songs for that matter, but these are my updated current favorites. :-)

The next couple of weeks are going to be damn busy! Studying for an IMPOSSIBLE, yes thats right, IMPOSSIBLE philosophy final, writing a paper/website...uh, what?!...for my STUPID geology class, finishing up my english paper and perfecting that to my liking. The rest can wait for a little bit until I feel adequately on my feet in the above mentioned courses.

As for life? Eh, not so great. Being busy and sleep deprived really gets to me. I'm looking forward to a summer of reading, working, job searching, and hanging out with my friends. Getting ready for the apartment is seriously going to take me all summer cause I'm just that disorganized usually (ha) and moving back home for the next couple of months is going to KILL me. What the hell am I supposed to do in this town?! (trust me, i'm NOT laughing on this one...) I guess lots of nights at Starbucks with my coffee and book are going to be the ticket.

Now, I know there are some of you who are expecting me to have all the insight in the world right now, and trust me, I'm becoming one of those ants i'm writing my paper on (see Waking Life) and am a little preoccupied with myself currently. Shannon especially, I know i've been depriving you of your daily Kitten readings, but hun, I'll see you in May and what the hell are we going to talk about it I discuss all of it with you now?! My advice? Start reading up on your Philosophy because kitten definately wants to discuss it--with anyone and everyone!
I'm leaving you all with a challenge. Give me an interesting problem to solve or start thinking about in the next couple of weeks and I'll post my own thoughts soon enough. Example? "How do you feel about the existence of God? How can we "know" that he exists or doesn't? " (PS-Example does not mean ASK me that question...) Shannana--I especially hope to hear a few questions from you. Maybe I can give you some reading suggestions!!!

the fans--i love you.

in the heat

while I was in the moment, i wrote a blog about my views of place of employment. To those of you who read it and are offended, i'm quite sorry. I hardly think that of my place of employment and I think it's crap that someone who doesn't even know me has to say stuff like that. Anyone who knows me realizes that I love my work, I enjoy most of the people I work with and occassionally get angry, as anyone does with their job. At any rate, This is my retraction for the deleted blog which will not be replaced.

8 days..

and I'm getting closer and closer to 10...
...and the only time i've touched you is in my sleep.
Well, I've gotten one of the best compliments of all today: well anyways.... i know you're a good and honest person... and not too shabby a creative artisitic type too....
The latter of which is my favorite part! I love it when people comment on stuff like that about me :-)

Well, I don't have any good stories except maybe a little explanation to do. Saturday night--WOW was I a bit wasted. Gotta love my ladies and men for being there for me and taking care of me in my uh...time of sickness? (for lack of interesting wording...) I had a great time hanging out with my guys and sending Pete off into the Navy. (Good Luck!)

I haven't had much to say these past few days and mostly thats just because there's just nothing interesting going on. I'm trying to work on this english paper for my class as much as I can, research, research, research...and so i haven't had much time to just sit around and chill until the last few days and mostly I've been spending those sleeping or going out. Went to the terrace last night and read about Kant. Ahh...being on the terrace reminds me of...

I love going for walks at night. The city's calm and tranquil. Everything settle's down and there's nothing but you and the surroundings. It's so nice to just "be" for awhile...and it doesn't hurt to spend it with a great guy either ;-)

We've got like 2.5 weeks of classes left and then we've got finals...god damn it, i just can't wait. I'm so greatful to get out of the dorms...i've never been so sick of something before in my life but it'll shortly all be over. I hate wearing flip flops in the shower, carrying a little basket with all of my belongings in it, and I hate the fact that the people on this floor are fake pieces of bitchiness. Who are these people that I live with?! Next year we'll start off in a comfortable environment-yes, bed on the floor-and set up my lifestyle there, because right now, i just can't seem to find myself in this dorm room. It's not very conducive to my lifestyle...
Where did senior year go? The late night talks and hanging out on the apartment floor, early am walks....man I miss that apartment and all of the things that went along with it. I seriously spent more time there than at home my senior year I think...
Final note? It looks like it's going to rain tonight and i'd adore basking in the rain this evening. Lights out with only the rain to guide me. Is there any distinct possibility that that will happen? more than likely no. hmm....rain.

Fall 2005

english 169
comp lit 202
poli sci 104
philo 432

What am i thinking?! God only knows...(if he exists) ;-)

Happy with the schedule, relatively happy with the classes. Yay for being in college.

Travis

song of the day: Why does it always rain on me? by Travis

Listen to it. Great song, not technically what I'm feeling for the day, but great nonetheless.

Mood Music: Mayer's "Tracing"

Song on my Mind: Wilco's "reservations" or maybe because it's lines are just so true... "i've got reservations about so many things, but not about you..."

Song about me: Billy Joel's "She's always a woman to me" (epitome of my character) "She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe" "She can kill with her eyes" "She can take care of herself, she can wait if she wants, she's a head of her time" "she is frequently kind and then suddenly cruel"

Between Thoughts

What happened to those moments between thoughts and between the monotony of life...? Those when you can just "be"? I wonder with our society set up the way it is these days if we even stop to wonder about life's little mysteries and little beauties. I often am guilty of this as well, but how often do we stop to look at the leaf that blows in the air as it is just "being" and revelling in the beauty around it. The crazed character in American Beauty noticed it, why doesn't everyone else? The cliche rose, the one that your now love who soon will not be gave you...the beauty you see in it, though seen by most of the world based on cultural norms...what about it is so beautiful? What sets it apart from something else so that you can call it beautiful? Why is it the rose that you look at and not the lily or iris? When those flowers sit on the table and you say they are beautiful, do you say this because you just "know" that they are beautiful? or did you really sit there, gaze at them and decide that because of its form, its structure, was it then that you noticed its beauty?
America's so busy with their daily routine that we miss the between thought moments and breaking everything down into its simplist form to view the beauty then. Something so hideously ugly or normal can have beautiful grace, form, and structure. Janie's boyfriend wasn't really all that crazy, just had better perspective than the rest of the world. Something so simple as a leaf blowing in the air on a day when it's minutes away from snowing is remarkably beautiful...

Tell me about yourself-The survey

Name:Cat

Birthday:6/11/86

Birthplace:Janesville, WI

Current Location:Madison, WI

Eye Color:blue

Hair Color: brown

Height:5' 5"

Right Handed or Left Handed:Right

Your Heritage:German/Swedish/English
The Shoes You Wore Today:black flip flops with beads

Your Weakness:wine, men with gorgeous brown eyes, shoes

Your Fears:love, but numerous others

Your Perfect Pizza: cheese and olives-black

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:pick my major (and maybe stick with it...!)

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
LOL (anyone who talks to me online knows i type it after about everything. It's an extreme addiction

Thoughts First Waking Up:Today? Why the fuck is the alarm so fuckin loud?

Your Best Physical Feature:eyes

Your Bedtime:around 1
Your Most Missed Memory:my grandfather

Pepsi or Coke:neither bitches

MacDonalds or Burger King:yick! neither

Single or Group Dates:find me a date and i'd participate in either one

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:don't drink much tea

Chocolate or Vanilla:I like the last person's answer-swirl (ha)

Cappuccino or Coffee:coffee!!!!

Do you Smoke:occassionally

Do you Swear:incessantly

Do you Sing:you can bet your bottom dollar!

Do you Shower Daily:you bet

Have you Been in Love: love is an illusion...

Do you want to go to College:want to? i'm there baby

Do you want to get Married:there's the question of the day

Do you belive in yourself:i believe i can do anything i set my mind to

Do you get Motion Sickness:depends on what kind of motion. (HA)

Do you think you are Attractive:facebook-moderately attractive society

Are you a Health Freak: veggie! No, not really...

Do you get along with your Parents:yup.

Do you like Thunderstorms:complete turn on

Do you play an Instrument:violin, i dabble in the vocal area as well

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:damn straight! i love it when little airon turns 20...! (yes, i said TWENTY)

In the past month have you Smoked:
yup

In the past month have you been on Drugs:
i guess technically b/c of the previous 2 questions...

In the past month have you gone on a Date:nope--not terribly bitter about it either

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:yup
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
damn...no

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no

In the past month have you been on Stage:no

In the past month have you been Dumped:no

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:i wish

In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no

Ever been Drunk:stupid question...

Ever been called a Tease:can't remember any specific incidences, but it's fun to be one! :-)

Ever been Beaten up:no, but before i die, i WILL get into a physical fight with a woman.

Ever Shoplifted:no.

How do you want to Die:is that seriously a question?

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:a writer, an editor, a columnist

What country would you most like to Visit:England

In a Boy/Girl..

Favourite Eye Color:hands down, brown

Favourite Hair Color:
gotta love the brown haired guys

Short or Long Hair:long enough that i can run my fingers through it

Height:personal preference for guys above 6', but that's severely superficial

Weight:tiny stature with built features.

Best Clothing Style:that's even more superficial than asking about height or weight...

Number of Drugs I have taken:3 if you want to define "drugs" as i do.

Number of CDs I own:too many i'm sure...i'm a music freak

Number of Piercings:oh christ...this could take awhile. 10 total-all visible (sorry for the guys who think i have my nipples pierced!)

Number of Tattoos:one-badass.

Number of things in my Past I Regret? how many men have i dated?...

In regards to...

apparantly somebody does!

Missy Higgins

"Preach it sista"--Thanks Shan, I'll try...

"And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.
But time has changed nothing at all - "


Strange how those things happen. Missy Higgins new song titled "10 days" has some definate great lines in it. One of those songs where you were together and now you're not. And the first few lines that I've mentioned seem to be what kind of state of mind i'm in right now. It's been so long since I've seen you and you're the last one I touched in my sleep. Are dreams more like a reality we wish we were having? or like something you wish could happen but don't think it ever will? Nagel says that we are not morally responsible for factors beyond their control. That night...i have to ask, was it out of control? I mean, the tension I guess has just been building for awhile and something seems to change when we're together. There seem to be these other factors playing in to why something we both seemingly want, potentially won't happen. Shouldn't we have Free Will? Can't I chose to do what I want? I mean, should we really be sitting here thinking about what other people care about it? Sure, we have to care to a point and i'd be devastated if i'd have to lose friends over the situation, but i also believe that if something happens, you can't necessarily be held responsible for something that both parties want to experience.
Society says that technically, this would be unacceptable of me, but maybe I'm standing out on a limb here in saying that I don't think I should have to give up my friends or be shunned for my behavior.

" 'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace
So tell me, did you really think...
Oh tell me, did you really think
I had gone when you couldn't see me anymore?
When you couldn't... "

I know that what happened sort of crossed the lines with a few of my friendships, but in all reality, the person who should be the most mad at me, isn't. It's sort of a twisted version of reality that i've come to find out. Our lives seem to wrap around each others and become something that none of us planned. As time passes, the friendships I've had over the years seem to be changing and I'm drifting from some people that I didn't think I ever could.
In getting back to Missy Higgins, I think her new song (anyone know if she's had any other hits?) is well written, truthful, and heart wrenching. It's a simple enough concept, but I think the way she's conveyed the meaning hits you right in the heart in a way to get you thinking about your own past.
My own is not so bright and I've had this particular thing on my mind for quite some time, just haven't quite been sure how to state it. After dating the infamous "Adam", or should we say "dating", one can never really be sure. At any rate, after "dating" Adam, I feel so dirty about myself and have lately been sitting around wondering something that I'm not so sure how to explain without just plainly stating it. I can't say that I've been extremely hostile towards how I feel or that I've let anyone else know about it, but after knowing how many people he's been with and then relating that back to what it might say about my own character (granted I wasn't aware of the fact that he'd slept with so many others too...) many tears have been shed and i wonder...

...How could anyone want to be with me after that?