Fireworks.

So, after a friend of mine asked me to think about the top 15 albums I'll never forget, I naturally made a list and shared it with my friends as well. However, much of the albums on the list deserve explanation. Though some people may criticize my musical choices, it really ruffles my feathers when people who generally listen to the same music as me make critiques on my decisions. The albums I list are ones that I felt not only were outside of my usual music choice, but are also albums that most people don't know are related to very important times in my life. This doesn't always reflect the moods that I show other people. I tend to keep a lot to myself, and in this instance, the albums fit that aesthetic.

These albums take me back to a place in time, make me remember specific moments, or make me think. They do not define my entire musical taste.

Here's the list of 15: (**IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER**)

1. John Mayer-Heavier Things
2. John Mayer-Where the Light is (Live)
3. Sigur Ros- ( )
4. Keane-Under the Iron Sea
5. Coheed and Cambria-Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV: Volume 1...
6. Jeff Buckley-Grace
7. The Smashing Pumpkins-Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
8. Bela Fleck and the Flecktones-Live at the Quick
9. Incubus-Make Yourself
10. Staind-Break the Cycle
11. Circa Survive-On Letting Go
12. Miles Davis-Kind of Blue
13. Coldplay-a rush of blood to the head
14. Staind-Dysfunction
15. Jason Mraz-Waiting for my rocket to come

Here's for the explanation:

1&2 John Mayer is simply always going to be a part of my life. I'd pretty much give up my grandchildren for this man. Nuf said.
3. Sigur Ros is my study music, my thinking music, my philosophical music, writing music, sleeping music....it's versatile and I love it. Don't hate.
5. So many reasons, but this band is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. I can't get enough of the lyrics, of Claudio's voice, of the guitar riffs, the drummer's talent, etc. You name it, I'm in love.
6. Jeff Buckley pretty much changed the way I look at music. His voice is amazing and he was a great lyricist.
7. Smashing Pumpkins are always classic.
8. Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. This deserves a longer explanation.... Back when I was a freshman at the University of Wisconsin, I met an amazing person named Adam. I still speak very highly of him even though he ended up to be really shitty to me, but he influenced my musical taste and introduced me to some great people. This is an album that will always make me think of him, and that will always make me miss him for what he was. I changed dramatically after meeting him and my life with always be touched with what he taught me--To enjoy life and to not be too serious. Sometimes I need a good swift kick in the pants to realize this. Adam, may you rest in peace. May you always know how much of a difference you made in my life and in many others.
9&10...LOVE Staind and this particular Incubus album. Staind will always hold a place in my heart because I adore Aaron Lewis. Amazing voice, lyrics that speak to me. This makes me think of my high school days, and while they weren't always happy, it takes me back to that place and a few others.
11. A current obsession....and one that will remain for quite some time.
12. Miles Davis. I love jazz. I grew up listening to jazz. Miles Davis is a beautifully rude musician. That is to say, that it doesn't appeal to everyone, and it doesn't always make sense, but somehow it all works.
13. Coldplay. Chill and relaxed. I used to listen to this in a walkman--old school!--when I was in high school before I got my first iPod.
14. Staind. Another album, courtesy of the glorious Aaron Lewis.
15. My final album on this list....Jason Mraz. This is another one that deserves longer explanation. It takes me back to, yet again, my freshman year at the University of Wisconsin. I used to walk to class listening to this album on my iPod. I listened to this album when I decided to start this blog in fact. "Who needs shelter" inspires me to take a minute and simply think. To simply "be" with my thoughts. I remember sitting at my first laptop, looking out my dorm room window in the middle of the afternoon, drinking an Irish Cream Latte writing on this blog when I first started it in 2004...6 years ago. Not much has changed about my writing process, but this album is important to me not because of the lyrics, or because of the artist, but because of the places it has taken me. When I listen to this album, it reminds me of the truth of myself--Why i write and why I continue to write.

Enough about me. What albums changed your life?

Intertwined

"PIece it all together now......"

If only I could actually do that.

"Because I sell myself short, everytime."

Yes, Yes I do. Maybe I'm not strong enough to do the things I think I really should. The things that are best off for me. Maybe I know so little about myself that I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. The right decision seems harder and harder to make and one I'm too scared to try. Always too cautious, always taking the safe path. Trying too hard to sort it without having any real idea of where I'm going. I'm taking a drive, but have no idea what the destination is. Aimlessly walking through life, feeling purposeless, trying to figure it out as I go instead of trying to plan it ahead, but I'm no good on my feet. I always have a solution afterwards, in hindsight. In the moment? Not so great. I'm lost. Emotion stricken. Fear overcomes me and I have nothing. In that moment, I've lost everything I believed about myself. I'm no longer strong. I'm weak; shattered. Who is this girl? She's one I don't understand. One that takes over my body and reclaims it as hers.

If I could cry a thousand tears, I would, but even a tearless cry won't come.

I still have faith, it will start again...

Times Passed

Once upon a time, I used to sing. Pretty well, If I remember well enough. I still think I'm not horrible, but times have definitely changed. I still love it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't sing in my car, hum to the lyrics at work, or find a tune in my head out of nowhere that gets me going. Every year I had a solo in elementary school. In middle school, I took Orchestra because we could only take one music course. In high school, I went back to taking Choir and Orchestra. I was in Women's Choir, A Cappella Choir, and a special jazz group called 7th Heaven. I loved it. I eat, slept, and breathed music. It was all I knew and all I ever cared to know.

In high school, I was the crazy music kid in our graduating class. There were a few others, but I ended up being voted "Most likely to be the Next American Idol" and was runner up for "Most Musical" in my class. (Luckily, I lost out against one of my best friends for the top spot, an amazing cellist named Elizabeth. I hold no hostility. She's great.) But, now that I've all but abandoned playing my violin for reasons I'd rather not get into with this post, I find myself more and more drawn to written lyrics, to the curves of the lyricism in the notes, to the emotion in the orchestration. I find it now almost more than I used to when I was enamored with music and thought of nothing else. The feeling's still there, but buried underneath far too many other things.

Real life happened and now I find it harder and harder to get back to my musical roots. I've drifted so far from some of the things I love so much, it seems hard to go back given where I am now. I can't have people bringing down the things I love! The music that keeps me going, the tune that sings to my soul... The one thing that makes me feel alive and happy. No one will take that away from me.