Some people have to speak, some people have to take a drive...I have to write. If I'm frustrated or need to sort things out, I need to run. If I have that itch where I'm feeling emotional, or I'm on the cusp of something, or that I just feel completely moved (an indescribable feeling, really), then I HAVE to write. Have to, like I won't be able to do anything else UNTIL I've written. That time is now.
It almost always happens when I've listened to the perfect song for the moment where I literally cannot move forward unless I've listened to the song over and over again, and over, over, over.... I'm sure my neighbors hate it, but this isn't about them. It's about me, a keyboard, and this blog. Or under other circumstances...me, a pen, and a notebook. Music brings it all together for me. The feeling is rarely there without it.
This song, this feeling...the feeling of having to write. THIS is where my life is. The most connected to myself I feel is when I'm doing just this. It's sad really that it doesn't happen more often, but the times when I've completely gotten into my head and there is no distraction...this is the core of life. It's the emotion of the chords, that feeling of the vibrations from the music on my chest, that moment when the music is transmitted into my body and literally flows through it. The spirit of the music floats through and runs through my veins more when I'm listening to it, or when I'm producing it. (The later happens on such a rare occasion, it's barely worth mentioning.)
It isn't merely the melody that's in the background either. It's that transcendent moment when the spoken/sung lyric word and the melodic performed chords/notes breed together to form that piece of music. That moment is the one that brings me to tears. It overcomes me with such a strong force, that once it begins, there is no stopping it from happening. I'm stuck in a moment where there is nothing else. It is timeless. It's the love of my life, the everything that makes that moment move on to the next, the thread that holds it all together.
Beyond that moment, when the music takes over, there is the coming down from that high moment when it all fits together, into something that is no longer about me in an empty space with the music, but about the everyday hours of life. Now everything moves forward and farther away from that moment where everything was together, everything had meaning, everything was...well, whole. It's lost and I'm swimming in the middle of the ocean looking for the shore. It's a dream that you wake up from, but so badly want to lucid dream back into existence. I'm running towards that transcendent moment-hoping, praying-that it will come back to me. It's so sporadic that I can only wish that the notes will guide me yet again.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Growing Up...(Read: Growth Rant)
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting old. Maybe experienced beyond my years is a better way to put it...yes, I'll roll with it. Technically, I'm a young person. No one ever thinks I'm in my early 20's. Almost everyone thinks I'm over 25. Usually, I take this as a good thing since I don't really look like I'm over 25, but I act like it. I've had a lot of growing up to do in my childhood, a lot of life experiences that have weathered me, so to say.
Today, I went out for a business lunch with some co-workers, which wasn't technically a working lunch, but it wasn't exactly "off the clock." With that said, there is a certain business etiquette that goes along with interacting with your co-workers-in any atmosphere. There are certain things that your co-workers don't need to know about you, your background, or about your social life. I don't need to know, and your boss certainly doesn't want to hear about the crazy weekend you had getting drunk with your friends, or even how you saw a really embarrassingly drunk person at a NASCAR race last weekend. Talking about your, or your friends, or even people you don't know that are drinking or drunk is NOT an appropriate work discussion-in the office or over lunch.
With that said, there is certain table etiquette that should be followed under all circumstances, almost completely without exception. (Obviously, there are certain exceptions that apply to these rules.) My biggest pet peeve of which is when people start to discuss things that may keep others from enjoying their meal. Specifically, it is inappropriate to discuss "smelly" things at the eating table. Sorry, but a discussion of how you used to clean cow barns or horse stalls is not exactly my idea of appetizing. This is certainly not something to brag about. Discussion of this topic should be used in appropriate situations only, and certainly NEVER over a meal.
I'm not sure why people my own age don't understand these simple concepts. When someone complements your shirt, you do not instantly say, "Thank you, it is from Store X!" It isn't necessary to tell someone that information, and I think it's rude. If someone comments and keeps discussing it, then sure, you could mention it given the right situation, but in conversation with someone you have never met before, or with someone who is just passing by, this is NOT necessary. (This is a SERIOUS pet peeve of mine.) For one thing, if it's really expensive (Or Brand Name), it looks like you're showing off because you have the money to be able to afford it. On the other hand, if you bought it at a cheaper store, even if readily available, it looks as if you are trying to "one up" someone by saying you found a better deal than they did, or that your tastes are better since you picked it out at a discount store. Not everyone needs to know that your top is from a name brand store! I would think that if you are in a business setting, even if on a business lunch, that people would find this sort of behavior inappropriate. I guess I give people too much credit sometimes.
Maybe I feel like I'm getting old because I sometimes feel like I'm around teenagers instead of young adults in their 20's, but there are certain things everyone should know in order to function in society-especially in a business setting. Act accordingly.
Today, I went out for a business lunch with some co-workers, which wasn't technically a working lunch, but it wasn't exactly "off the clock." With that said, there is a certain business etiquette that goes along with interacting with your co-workers-in any atmosphere. There are certain things that your co-workers don't need to know about you, your background, or about your social life. I don't need to know, and your boss certainly doesn't want to hear about the crazy weekend you had getting drunk with your friends, or even how you saw a really embarrassingly drunk person at a NASCAR race last weekend. Talking about your, or your friends, or even people you don't know that are drinking or drunk is NOT an appropriate work discussion-in the office or over lunch.
With that said, there is certain table etiquette that should be followed under all circumstances, almost completely without exception. (Obviously, there are certain exceptions that apply to these rules.) My biggest pet peeve of which is when people start to discuss things that may keep others from enjoying their meal. Specifically, it is inappropriate to discuss "smelly" things at the eating table. Sorry, but a discussion of how you used to clean cow barns or horse stalls is not exactly my idea of appetizing. This is certainly not something to brag about. Discussion of this topic should be used in appropriate situations only, and certainly NEVER over a meal.
I'm not sure why people my own age don't understand these simple concepts. When someone complements your shirt, you do not instantly say, "Thank you, it is from Store X!" It isn't necessary to tell someone that information, and I think it's rude. If someone comments and keeps discussing it, then sure, you could mention it given the right situation, but in conversation with someone you have never met before, or with someone who is just passing by, this is NOT necessary. (This is a SERIOUS pet peeve of mine.) For one thing, if it's really expensive (Or Brand Name), it looks like you're showing off because you have the money to be able to afford it. On the other hand, if you bought it at a cheaper store, even if readily available, it looks as if you are trying to "one up" someone by saying you found a better deal than they did, or that your tastes are better since you picked it out at a discount store. Not everyone needs to know that your top is from a name brand store! I would think that if you are in a business setting, even if on a business lunch, that people would find this sort of behavior inappropriate. I guess I give people too much credit sometimes.
Maybe I feel like I'm getting old because I sometimes feel like I'm around teenagers instead of young adults in their 20's, but there are certain things everyone should know in order to function in society-especially in a business setting. Act accordingly.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The View
I was watching a re-run of The View this morning and Goldberg read this statistic (though I'm not sure who they surveyed...), "22% of women ages 18-24 who consider themselves attractive would rather lose the ability to read than their figure." Seriously ladies!? I realize we live in a materialistic, very visual society, but I would never want to lose the ability to read. Of course, I'm a big reader and advocate for those to become readers, but that aside, I can't believe that 22% of women are more focused on their bodies than their education. I seriously had more confidence in the female population than that.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
In a Funk...
Not sure where I am right now...I feel a bit like I'm on the cusp of something, but I can't figure out exactly what its all about and I can't figure out what exactly I'm looking for. I'm searching for something; I can feel that much.
Things I know for sure:
I'm bored out of my freaking mind.
I am not motivated.
I've been sick the past few days, but I feel guilty about it and I feel lazy.
And where does that leave me? Ugh, with nothing. Must. Find. Motivation.
Things I know for sure:
I'm bored out of my freaking mind.
I am not motivated.
I've been sick the past few days, but I feel guilty about it and I feel lazy.
And where does that leave me? Ugh, with nothing. Must. Find. Motivation.
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