Missy Higgins

"Preach it sista"--Thanks Shan, I'll try...

"And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.
But time has changed nothing at all - "


Strange how those things happen. Missy Higgins new song titled "10 days" has some definate great lines in it. One of those songs where you were together and now you're not. And the first few lines that I've mentioned seem to be what kind of state of mind i'm in right now. It's been so long since I've seen you and you're the last one I touched in my sleep. Are dreams more like a reality we wish we were having? or like something you wish could happen but don't think it ever will? Nagel says that we are not morally responsible for factors beyond their control. That night...i have to ask, was it out of control? I mean, the tension I guess has just been building for awhile and something seems to change when we're together. There seem to be these other factors playing in to why something we both seemingly want, potentially won't happen. Shouldn't we have Free Will? Can't I chose to do what I want? I mean, should we really be sitting here thinking about what other people care about it? Sure, we have to care to a point and i'd be devastated if i'd have to lose friends over the situation, but i also believe that if something happens, you can't necessarily be held responsible for something that both parties want to experience.
Society says that technically, this would be unacceptable of me, but maybe I'm standing out on a limb here in saying that I don't think I should have to give up my friends or be shunned for my behavior.

" 'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace
So tell me, did you really think...
Oh tell me, did you really think
I had gone when you couldn't see me anymore?
When you couldn't... "

I know that what happened sort of crossed the lines with a few of my friendships, but in all reality, the person who should be the most mad at me, isn't. It's sort of a twisted version of reality that i've come to find out. Our lives seem to wrap around each others and become something that none of us planned. As time passes, the friendships I've had over the years seem to be changing and I'm drifting from some people that I didn't think I ever could.
In getting back to Missy Higgins, I think her new song (anyone know if she's had any other hits?) is well written, truthful, and heart wrenching. It's a simple enough concept, but I think the way she's conveyed the meaning hits you right in the heart in a way to get you thinking about your own past.
My own is not so bright and I've had this particular thing on my mind for quite some time, just haven't quite been sure how to state it. After dating the infamous "Adam", or should we say "dating", one can never really be sure. At any rate, after "dating" Adam, I feel so dirty about myself and have lately been sitting around wondering something that I'm not so sure how to explain without just plainly stating it. I can't say that I've been extremely hostile towards how I feel or that I've let anyone else know about it, but after knowing how many people he's been with and then relating that back to what it might say about my own character (granted I wasn't aware of the fact that he'd slept with so many others too...) many tears have been shed and i wonder...

...How could anyone want to be with me after that?