Again...

Sometimes I have to read things over and over again. It's a validation of the way I once felt, or being able to slip back into a moment that I want to live over again. A moment that that I can't let go of and that, like a lucid dream, I can slip back into. Sometimes its music, sometimes it's a novel, sometimes it's a feeling that sweeps through me all by itself. I'm not sure how it happens exactly, but the threads of the past are woven tightly throughout me. For right now, I just finished revisiting The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. It's an entirely cliche novel, but one that I could read over and over again, and it would still bring out the same emotions in me. I would still cry at the same points in the story, I would still feel the rush of excitement when I hear about the love of Noah and Allie. It still overcomes me and I'm lost in the emotion. I feel like all of my senses are on a higher level. I remember where I was when I was reading it. I remember the music in the background, the late evening hours I spent finishing the book, and if I looked through journals of poetry, I'm sure I could approximate the time frame in which I finished the novel. I feel like I can hear the words in the letters Noah writes to Allie, I can smell the outdoors and the rain while they canoe. I can also smell my own surroundings better for some reason...I'm sure it's a physical hightened sense of smell because of the crying and the clearing of my sinuses, but I tend to shy away from the scientific reasoning behind this phenomena. I'm more interested in the emotion behind it.

There are certain albums that make me feel this way...

John Mayer's Room For Squares It's an album that has multiple meanings for me, but I remember those moments very well...

Moby's Play It still gives me butterflies. The good kind.

Staind's Break The Cycle Aaron Lewis, you spoke to me when I needed to hear.


And then there are certain songs:

Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight
Fleetwood Mac's Landslide
Debussy's Claire de Lune
Jason Mraz-Who Needs Shelter
Imogen Heap-Hide and Seek
Tori Amos-Gold Dust

The song that reminds me of reading The Notebook: John Mayer's Great Indoors. It's more of a mood set rather than the lyrics specifically.


There are more...but those are the first to come to mind.

It pains me to know that most people are not so in touch with their emotions...or with their own minds. I know I'm am stuck inside of my own head most of the time, but I wouldn't give this up. Never would I give up how intuitive I am to my own feelings. I delight in the moments when I feel as if I am weightless, where I do not feel the burdens of everyday, though these moments have gotten shorter and shorter as I've gotten older. I hope that as I become older, they will become more frequent and longer. I delight in the moments where I feel like my head is all that matters and the thoughts inside of it, full of insightful things meant only for myself. Perhaps that's selfish of me, but they were made for me and no one else. This is not a fault of the brain, but a gift of the self.


I get pulled in by the emotion, but I just can't let it go...