I'm Staind

Staind with all the times of the past,
Eternally stuck with the pain on my shoulders
and the aftermath of what used to be my life.

Staind with all the feelings and broken moments
That should have turned out differently.
And wishing that it could all be erased.

The time has come and passed away,
Yet still the stain remains
Prevalent for everyone to see and cannot be covered.

Won't go away, fading into darkness...
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It's been awhile...since I've written anything free, since I've really touched my blog, since I've written a poem or since I've gotten out a journal to write out my thoughts. Something I hardly do anymore, mostly because other stuff seems to be taking over whatever life used to be like. I used to have time. Time to do what I wanted and time for fun. Now I have to squeeze it in here, or squeeze it in there. Between meals, between meetings, between classes. Here, there, but really I just feel everywhere and nowhere. I've spread myself too thin again, so I go back to the basics. Back to the stuff that used to keep me happy, and back to the stuff that used to define me.

Wearing nothing but dark clothing, no one should ever see a face without eyeliner, and never a moment without the composure on my face that sometimes is all I need to get through the day. Confidence and hold your head up high. That's all I can keep telling myself in terms of what will happen tomorrow. I'm leaving one of my favorite jobs...where I've met most of my best girlfriends and some other really phenomenal people. Tomorrow's going to be a rough day, but i can't see it going any other way, and I guess what will be, will be. Just listen to your favorite music and let it all hang out.

Somehow I forget how sometimes the music can just flow through your body and you feel like it's inside of you, like it's eating away at your soul and lodging itself within your core. Sometimes when it gives me chills I feel different. Like the music is erie or something, but when I hear the beat and can do nothing but feel elevated, like I'm somehow suspended from the moment and having a slightly out of body experience, not as if I'm looking down on my body, but as if my soul is hovering a little bit outside of my body, but still connected. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me...

Enough for now...perhaps more later.