Silent Song

Ok, So perhaps I'm not the easiest of people to get along with--i have strong opinions, strong wills, don't give in easily, and love to argue for something I believe in. This, however does not make me a bad person. I have a sensitive side. I can be a girly-girl when I want to and right now, perhaps I'm leaning more towards that part of me that is always thinking about things and trying to keep everything at a state of equilibrium. (Why, oh WHY does that NEVER seem to be the case?!)

Listening to the Adult Alternative music channel last night on tv, I heard the song, "Again" by Lenny Kravitz, a song I haven't heard in years, despite the fact that one of the guys I recently dated was OBSESSED with Kravitz. I've never gotten all that excited about any of his work until I realized how much things song just really speaks to me right now. The lyrics make me think about things past and how unsettled I feel most of the time about it. There are things I wish I could change, things I wish I could let go, and most of all things that I wish I could fix. That little broken part inside of me that never seems to go as planned. That little "What if" bug that eats away at my brain. "All of my life/where have you been?/I wonder if I'll ever see you again/and if that day comes/I know we could win/I wonder if I'll ever see you again?" Why does this all have to be so complicated?? It really could turn out to be very simple...but you just won't let it.

Sometimes I wonder if you read this and think, God, I hope she's not talking about me. And yet, I know at the same time, that it won't matter, because you don't read this. I'm not sure I could imagine how things would be if you did read this, because most of the time I'm pouring out everything in the most vague of details when all I really want to do is just say it like it is.

Yet...that never seems to be the case otherwise. You're the muse that keeps me here, the one that keeps me from being ridiculously unhealthy, keeps me breathing from day to day just hoping, hoping...that someday eveything will go back to the way it was. You keep me in the status of an unplayed piano. Bring me home?